


Now, I'm a Stranger

by dawniekins18



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Angel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawniekins18/pseuds/dawniekins18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor gets to that alley just a few minutes earlier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Connor ran like he'd never ran before in his life. Even in Quor'toth. 

Father was in danger. The small woman and the big dark man had spoken that Angelus was going to confront Father. He'd gotten rid of Connor. He sent him away. That could only mean one thing. The demon was going to kill Father. 

He runs into the room they're staying in. It's empty, but he can smell Angelus has been there. 

It doesn't look they fought, and there isn't any blood. 

He tracks Father's scent until he is behind the building. There is a woman with Father, and they are against the wall talking. He doesn't know her.

He feels overwhelming relief. He wasn't too late. Angel is gone, and Father is ok. They are all ok. 

Then the woman stabs Father in the neck.

"No!" 

He's on her in an instant. Throwing her across the alley.

"Father!" The cloying smell of blood overwhelms him. It's flowing out of his Father's throat.

He's gasping for air but his eyes meet Connor's one final time. All he sees there is defeat. And then Connor hears the faint sound as Father's heart stops beating.

Connor can't breath. His face is wet as grief stabs into him. Father's dead. He is alone.

Anger suddenly flows through him.

"Why?!" He turns on the red-haired woman crumpled on the ground.

He has her by the neck and against the wall.

"Why'd you do it?"

She's gasping. "I don't know..." Her eyes are frantic. "Angelus."

"What about him?"

"He sent me."

"He was here. You're lying."

"No, he's a monster. He wanted me to kill your father for taking you."

"I don't smell Angel on you. You smell like father. Angelus would have killed him if he wanted."

The woman stills, her heart is beating frantically. "I...."

"Why?!" He yells slamming her against the wall again.

"Daniel begged me to!" The answer falls out her mouth in desperation.

Connor lets her fall to the ground, her sobs echoing around him.

He turns to look at Father's still form. He walks toward him. The two puncture wound on his neck make his intentions obvious. 

He hoped Connor would find him like this. 

He drops to the ground. In the end, this is all Father wanted. To make sure Connor would complete what he'd asked of him. He was just a tool. All that talk of knowing Angel, exploring this world was all shrouded in this plan. Maybe this is all he ever was to Father.

He sits there for a long time. The woman's broken sobs fade to nothing.

It's some time later that he feels him nearing.

"Connor? I mean...Steven? What are you..." The question drifts as Angel catches sight of Father.

"Oh god, what happened?" His cold hands grab Connor, checking his body. Like the first time they talked, after Sunny...

"Are you hurt? Who did this?" His hands smooth over Connor's hair, in a comforting motion.

"I don't know." His voice distant and bewildered.

Angel looks at Father. He sniffs the area. "Justine was here." He says darkly.

Connor lets out a pained gasp, and Angel is back at his side in an instant.

"Shhhh... it's ok, son. Let's get you back home."

"I can't..." Connor keeps staring at the lifeless form. His legs unable to move.

"I'll send Gunn and Fred back for him. We'll take care of him. Come on, you can' stay out here."

His body feels far away from him, and he can't get up.

Angel stays crouched at his side for a long moment until he rises, taking Connor with him.

Any other moment, Connor would protest at being held, but he barely even registers the movement or the closeness.

It doesn't take long until they're standing in front of the door to the big building Angel lives at.

"Do you want to try and stand?" Angel helps him on to his feet after he shakily nods his head, and his legs manage to hold him.

He leads him inside with a gentle arm around him, holding him steady.

"Is he ok?" The glowing woman meets them as they go through the door. 

"Physically."

"What happened?"

"I'll explain when I know more. Call Gunn, and tell them I found Connor. And Holtz is dead in the alley behind the motel. We need to get the body."

"Did you..."

"No. I wasn't there. I don't know who did."

She nods as Connor's legs stop supporting him and give out beneath him. Before he can crumble, he's lifted back up by Angel.

"He needs to rest. He's barely said anything. I'm worried he's in shock. Does he feel cold to you?"

Her hand reaches out and touches his arm. Her skin feels warm and soft. 

"Yeah, he's a little cold." Her voice sounds worried now too. Like Angel's voice did in the alley. Like Angel's voice does all the time.

"I'm gonna get him in bed. See if I can get him to drink something. Warm him up."

"I'll wait here. I'll come get you when they come back. Groo and I will help...take care of things."

Angel nods and before Connor can process it they're in a room that must belong to Angel. It smells like him. 

"Ok, pal, let's warm you up." He's placed smoothly on a soft chair in the room. Angel start taking off the filthy shoes Connor found.

"I can do it."

Angel's head jerks, shocked at hearing his voice. But he backs off, giving him space to reach down and try to remove the strange shoes Sunny got him. 

The laces are difficult to maneuver, and his hands are clumsy. 

"It's alright. I can help." Angel reaches over, and easily slips the shoes off him. 

"These clothes are a mess. We'll get you some new ones." Angel says before reaching up and stripping the shirt off him. "Let's get you clean."

He helps him up and leads him into the bathroom.

Father had explained this to him, but he still found it all confusing.

Angel turns a knob and water starts coming out into a small pool.

"Do you need help?"

Connor doesn't understand what he means, and Angel takes his silence as yes.

He removes the strange trousers from Connor's body. He's covered in grime, from Quor'toth and from his time here.

"We need to fatten you up." Angel touches his side lightly where his ribs are visible under his skin. His voice is softer and wistful.

Connor uncomfortably crosses his arms over his chest. 

"Let's get you showered." Angel puts his hand into the water that is falling like rain. "Feels good." He says with a smile.

Connor eyes him dis-trustingly and makes no move to try it out. New things haven't really worked out for him.

"It's just water, pal."

He stays standing by the door, naked and uncertain.

Angel takes his arm and gently pulls him over to the pool. 

"Stick a hand in and feel. It's nice, I promise."

Connor reaches out. The water is warm and gentle. He looks to Angel questioningly. 

"You step inside."

He stares at the water for another moment before taking the plunge. The warm water falls over his body. He lets out a sound of surprised enjoyment. 

Angel chuckles. "Yeah, it's pretty good, huh?" He hands Connor soap, and this he recognizes. He starts cleaning his body. He reaches up to start on his hair. "No, we have another soap for hair here," Angel interjects.

The water runs brown as the dirt streams off his body. He's never felt this clean. It's strange.

"I think we're done here, buddy." Angel decides as the water finally runs clear.

He turns the knob to make the water stop falling, and envelopes Connor in a large, rough blanket. 

"I think that helped. You feel warmer now." Angel scrubs him with the blanket and ruffles it in his hair, and they make eye contact.

"Your eyes are clearer too."

Connor yawns in response. 

Angel laughs quietly. "Let's get you something to drink, then sleep." He lifts him again, and Connor almost protests but then allows it. He's too tired. Angel takes some clothing out of a wooden thing and helps him into them.

They are large but soft. They must belong to him. 

He's back sitting on the big chair again. 

"I'm going to get you something warm," Angels hand lingers on his hair. "We'll have to get you a trim."

The chair is comfortable. He feels himself drifting off as he listens to Angel across the room, moving things around.

"Alright, you used to like this, so let's try it now." Connor's eyes snap open, and Angel is standing in front of him with a cup that has a handle.

After he makes no move to grab it, Angel lift it to his mouth. "Come on, bud. I have no idea how much you've eaten today. So let's drink some of this for me. "

Connor takes a couple of sips, the milky substance is warm but tastes odd. He tries to pull his mouth away but the cup follows him.

"Just a little more baby, please?" 

He stills and forces down most of the glass before pushing it away with his hand.

"Good job. Thank you,"

Connor feels his eyes closing again. Everything from this day, flashes by in a painful blur. He must let out some noise of distress because Angel lift him up again, making soothing noises.

"I know. I know. Just close your eyes and rest. Shhhh...." Angel sets him on what must be his bed.

Connor is asleep almost instantly.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Angel is a jumble of emotions. The relief of having Connor home and sleeping in his bed is consuming. But the uncertainty of what led them here, and his son't grief, keep him from fully relaxing into the moment.

He is sitting on the bed, watching Connor sleeping next to him.

Angel thinks he looks about sixteen, but it's impossible to tell for sure. He is so small. And slight. It seems he's taken mostly after Darla.

He has her eyes.

Connor shifts in his sleep, and Angel tenses ready to do whatever he needs. But his son settles and continues to sleep. 

It's like their first night all over again. He's beyond worried, but also completely content. Connor is a gift. A miracle.

His son is home. He still has him. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++


	2. Chapter 2

Connor wakes up in a haze of confusion. He's warm and somewhere soft. He's surrounded by strange softness.

The memories come crashing back. Father has left him. He's alone. And he's in this strange world. He misses home. The simplicity of the horror and violence. He knew where he belonged there.

Things are different here. Less simple. But still filled with the same darkness.

He didn't escape hell. It followed him through the portal. 

And Angelus... he couldn't understand the care he showed him.

He wanted Connor to stay. He worried about how much food he ate. 

He just wanted to go back to the life he'd punched his way out of. Where Father cared for him, and he knew how to survive.

"You're awake!" Angel jumps up from the chair across the room, as Connor sits up and examines the strange blankets. There isn't fur on anything here.

"I'm guessing your hungry! Don't worry, I got food that I think will be simple enough." Angel moves around to another part of his home. Connor hears the movement of dishes and the opening of cupboards.

"Fred said we should start with bland, simple foods since we don't know what your stomach can take. You've been in a world without processed food." Angels seem to mostly be talking to himself but Connor can still hear him clearly. He thinks Fred is the small girl, not the glowing one. 

It probably doesn't matter. 

"Alright, here we go. Con.. I mean Stephen." Angel has a bowl and a glass, both filled.

"You can call me Connor." 

Angel looks at him, surprised. "Why? I mean, are you sure?"

"Yes. You and your friends seem to like. It's just a name." Connor shrugs. Father named him Stephen. But Father's gone. Maybe he was never really with him. A name doesn't mean a thing.

"Ok, Connor. Thank you." Angel is smiling. "I brought you some oatmeal. It's not the best thing in the world, but I think it will be harmless. We'll move on to better things soon. This world is full of it."

Connor takes the bowl and spoon. The meal is a bland, weird color. He tries it anyway. He's had worse.

"It's good."

Angel lets out a breath at his approval. The water is clearer than any he's ever had before. It's tastes strange, but not bad. 

He drinks it all in one gulp after taking his last bite. He didn't realize how thirsty he was. 

"Do you want more?"

Connor shakes his head. He knows how scarce food can be. Better to not take too much.

He stands up and start walking around Angel's home. He hadn't looked closely the night before.

"Why are those there?" Boxes are scattered around the room.

"There was a fire. I'm still cleaning it up."

Connor nods, and then tugs up the pants he's wearing. They keep falling down. 

Angel notices his movement and grabs a bag that's by the door.

"I got you some clothes, well Cordelia did." 

Angel starts sorting through the items from the bag. He hands Connor a few articles of clothing. 

"Why two pants and two shirts?" He's never seen so many clothes just for him. 

"Oh, right." Angel pauses for a second, thinking. "I'll help you."

Connor nods. That makes sense. Angel knows how this works here.

He helps Connor put on clothes on in the correct order. The small pants go under the long ones. 

He thinks he would have gotten it right.

Socks are weird. Angel said they keep feet warm. Just more stuff. There is stuff everywhere here.

"Blue looks nice on you." The demon stares him for a long moment. "You look so much like your mother." His voice is soft and kind, like that fact pleases him.

The words make him feel empty. No wonder Father did what he did. He had the face of a monster. Two monsters. The monsters who'd killed Father's real family. 

The silence stretches between them. Connor examines new things in the room. He goes inside the bathroom the shuts the door. He can see why there would be privacy for this. A door is better cover than rocks.

When he comes out a minute later, Angel walks him through washing his hands.

There are a lot of rituals and rules here.

"Connor." Angel starts while he's looking at the strange box in the room. There had been one in the place he and Father had stayed. There were people inside who did things. "Do you... can you tell me what happened last night?"

"Father died." Maybe if he presses a button, the people will appear. He presses. Nothing happens.

"I don't have it plugged in. Since the fire..." Angel comes to stand by him. "But you have no idea what that means."

"It doesn't work."

"Yeah, it doesn't. Not now."

Connor shrugs. It's not that important. He didn't understand it anyway.

"I know Holtz...is gone. I was hoping you could tell me what happened."

"A woman killed him."

"A woman?" There is shock in Angel's voice.

"She had red hair."

"Justine." Angel's mutters the name in anger, and Connor unconsciously moves away. 

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you." Angel reaches out as if to touch him, but changes his mind at the last second.

"This building is big," Connor moves toward the door that leads out of Angel's room.

"It used to be a hotel." Angel follows him into the hallway. 

"Why don't more people live here?"

"I don't know that many." Angel says, smiling. Like he thinks Connor's questions are amusing. 

"It's only you?"

"No. Fred and Gunn live here too. And Lorne."

"The other demon?"

"Yes. And I know where you come from, and how things were there. But here... you've seen it. Humans can be worse than demons. It's not always easy to see who your enemies are." 

"They eat people."

"Some do. Some really don't. The only thing I've ever seen Lorne eat is a Sea Breeze."

"I won't kill it." 

Angel is right. He doesn't know this world. Connor will wait for the demon to reveal it's nature. If it doesn't...he'll deal with it then.

"I guess we can work from there." 

Angel keeps close to him as Connor continues to examine the hallway.

He's never seen a place like this. He knows about houses, but he and Father only moved from cave to cave. There weren't any homes in Quar'toth. 

And this place is so much bigger than anything he ever imagined.

They reach the big room after Connor looked around some of the smaller rooms close to Angel's. His room was the best. The other's were dirty and unused.

"You guys are up!" The shiny woman who he is pretty sure is Cordelia, has a huge smile on her face at the sight of them.

"And look at you! I knew that shirt would match those eyes."

People smile so much here. Angel, Cordelia, and Fred. They all act so happy. He doesn't understand it. 

"Where is everybody?"

"I sent Fred and Gunn to check out some..." she glances at Connor. "Options to take care of things without alerting anyone of...anything."

Angel nods. Apparently that made sense to him. 

The sun is shining outside. Their sun is so bright here. He walks toward the door. The garden is nice. There are so many plants. Nothing like this grew in Quar'toth, and nothing there was ever this...pretty.

He hears Cordelia follow him out. He's standing directly in the sun, and she joins him.

"Nice, huh? Not a huge pile of great things can be said about L.A., but that sun. It makes up for a lot of bad."

"It's perfect."

"Says the boy whose never had a sunburn. But yeah, it's pretty great."

Connor looks back at the hotel. The sun is too bright on the glass, but he knows Angel is watching them.

"He's worried about you."

Connor turns to her, confused. "Why? He doesn't even know me."

Father should be worried. Father should be here. He talked about things like this. Sun and happiness. 

But he didn't want to be here. Not with Steven. Or Connor. Whoever he is. 

"Parents worry. He does know you. We all do. Less than a month ago, I was holding you in my arms."

"I don't understand."

"We just lost you, Connor. Time moves at differently here. Angel thought you were dead. A few weeks ago, Holtz took you from us. You were only four months old."

"Father said..." Connor stops. She won't care about things Father said. She cares about a baby that's gone. She cares about Angelus.

"We missed you, and we love you. I know Holtz didn't say that." Connor can feel the rage she's barely holding in.

"He's gone now."

Cordelia starts to say something, but then stops and starts again. "I know. I'm sorry."

He doesn't know if they've figured out Father's ploy. Angel must have. But if he told the others, Connor is uncertain. If they know, they're being careful. Not wanting to hurt him with the truth. Or saving it to hurt him more in the future. 

But it's there. In his mind, screaming at him.

The only Father he'd ever known abandoned him. Left him as a weapon, and now his purpose is uncertain.

They stand there, watching the garden.

"Do you mind going inside? I can feel Angel loosing his mind from here."

Connor's brow furrows. He's fine. There are no demons attacking or visible threats. He doesn't understand why Angel would be concerned.

"Just trust me on this one." 

He follows her inside without a word. Angel is waiting for them, not far from the door.

"The courtyard's nice, huh?" Angel looks anxious.

"It's different."

"He like the sun." Cordelia says with a wistful smile. 

"Then you came to the right city, pal."

"How many are there?" Father spoke of a place called London, but not much else. Or if he did, Connor couldn't understand it. 

Angel laughs. "More than I'd know. We'd have to look it up."

This world is so vast. And unlike home, it's not devoid. There are things here. Stuff.

Hope.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Connor is....amazing. A lifetime in a hell dimension, and he is like a confused kitten in the hotel.

Cordelia knows what he's capable of, but it's hard to remember that when he's looking at her with those eyes. He can fight, but in every other aspect of life, he's like a small child.

She knows Angel. She can feels his happiness. They're all feeling it. 

They'd thought they'd lost this. Their family was crumbling, and their leader a hollow shell.

Connor has restored them. Not that things are perfect. 

Holtz is dead, one final stab into Connor and Angel. 

And Connor is scared. He tries not show it, but he is.

Everything he's ever known is gone.

"I don't understand." Connor has on a sweater she bought him. It's a little too big, and he looks so cute it's killing her.

She's taken like five hundred pictures of him over the past month. It's a good thing he doesn't really get what the camera is.

"Well, it's a little complicated. But he married her sister. He wanted to marry her brother, but the father never would have allowed it. And it might kill her mother. And they dated in high school."

TV has been pretty effective in helping Connor learn things. But not leaving him alone with the TV is an essential part of it. One scared teenager with super strength thinking aliens were blowing up L.A. was a mistake they weren't looking to repeat.

It was obvious he needed someone to explain the concepts. 

"Her brother?" Now his brow is even more furrowed. 

"Don't worry about it." She'll save that particular explanation for Angel. "Write it down in the book to ask your dad."

They've been doing this for a month now.

Adjustment doesn't even begin to cover it.

They had a teenager who didn't understand the world they lived. And not in the way most teenagers were clueless.

She was trying her best to help Angel. 

But it was hard to feel out how she should help sometimes. She went from Aunt Cordelia, warming up bottles, to Aunt Cordelia who has to explain why a woman is holding a Big Mac between her breasts.

Adjustments

Connor just did't understand basic things. He would leave and return hours later while Angel paced the lobby, and rest of them searched the sunny surrounding areas.

He wouldn't eat or sleep at a set time. 

Angel would find him wandering at 5:00am, and then he wouldn't fall asleep again until 6:00am- the next day.

Angel's worried. Connor won't talk much.

But that was to be expected. She knew that. 

And after everything, what was there really to say?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Angel quickly finished fixing his apartment, and he made sure to add a little room in the space where Connor's crib used to be.

Connor now has a twin bed, a dresser, and Angel maybe bought him a few toys.

Obviously, Connor was too old for the toys he left behind. But Angel couldn't resist leaving the teddy with him, even if it was a bit burnt. 

Angel can admit, if anyone dared to press him on it- he's getting away with some serious babying.

No sixteen year old boy would sleep so close to his dad.

But Connor hasn't figured out it's a little strange. And Angel's not going to tell him. The steady sound of Connor's heartbeat is too precious to put any distance between them. Not for awhile anyways.

And Connor is very...mellow.

He usually does everything Angel asks. He wander,s and he'll sometimes ask questions that Angel realizes now are a sign of his uncertainty.

But the sweet, good-natured baby Angel knew, has grown into a very similar young man.

"Are you hungry, pal?"

Connor has to be asked. That took a couple days to figure out. He won't tell Angel when he's hungry. He'd only figure it out when Connor's stomach started to growl angrily.

Connor shrugs. They're in the office. Connor is examining some books Fred got him. 

He'll get him a snack soon. 

Luckily, it was easy to find out that Connor can read and write. He also can do basic addition, subtraction, and multiplication, and a little division.

He's well-below where a sophomore in high school would be, but Fred has started some sneaky homeschooling.

Connor doesn't know the books he's reading are for much younger children. And if Fred spends a couple hours a day going through math lessons, Connor won't complain. 

He also has no basis to know what fourth grade means. He just follows her lead. 

"He's doing well, but we may have to prepare for more dramatic intervention. And I'm not sure he can ever catch up." Fred mentions to him while Connor is eating with Gunn in the other room.

"What? Why?" The panic is barely contained.

"He's missed so much. The foundation needed for higher level mathematics or science just aren't there. He's very intelligent, but intensive schooling like most kids go to- it works so well because they start early."

Less than two months ago, he was thinking about Ivy League. 

Holtz stole so much from him. Connor's life has been cut down.

His only solace is that Connor has no idea.

Not yet.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++=


	3. Chapter 3

Angel is a very different than Father. 

Connor considered leaving the hotel. Why stay? But Angel never lets him go far, and Connor knows now if he goes- Angel will follow. 

Things are...better here. There is food. Lot's of it. Connor learned a long time ago not to bother asking for food. But here...it's offered constantly. And he's smart enough to never say no. 

He has a bed here. A real one it seems. Not just a pile of something soft, but an actual soft thing you're meant to sleep on every night. And he has books, clothes, and...toys. Angel brought him games. And there is a damaged, fuzzy animal thing that sits on his bed that has a significance he doesn't understand. Though, it is nice to sleep with. 

"So."

Connor is playing with the Gameboy. He's not very good at it, but it's surprisingly enjoyable. The buttons make fun noises. He likes the feeling of victory when he makes it to another level. 

"I was thinking- tonight we take Connor out. And I know McDonald's was less than successful, but it's been a few weeks." Connor likes Gunn. Gunn plays games with him. And watching TV with him is the most fun. "And since we're going at night, Angel can come. That should help us all out."

Fred looks up from her computer. "Where were you thinking?"

"The perfect place, the drive-in!" Gunn does something with his hands to emphasize the words. People make a lot of gestures here. Connor is still trying to figure them all out.

"That's actually not a bad idea!" Cordelia calls from her desk. "Groo would like it too. And Lorne could actually come."

"What's not a bad idea?" Angel ruffles Connor's hair as he walks by him, coming into the room from the insulated basement. 

"The drive in!" Gunn makes the hand gesture again.

"Sounds fun. Something appropriate playing?"

"The first Harry Potter and some cartoon." Gunn says reassuringly to Angel. 

"Ah! Harry Potter! Connor and I just finished the first one! We both liked it, right Connor?" Fred asks excitedly.

Connor nods, not looking up from the game. He might actually make it to level five today. And he did like the book. It was interesting, though Fred said Hogwarts wasn't real which was a little disappointing. Figures that fun magic isn't real, only the kind that the monsters use.

They talk about things a lot. There is a lot of talking here. Connor doesn't get most things, like what Angel means by appropriate. Is he talking about what Connor would like? But it's starting to get clearer now that he's watched some things in the TV box. 

"You think he could have popcorn?" Fred's looking at Angel who then looks at him. 

"I think so. He hasn't gotten sick in a while, and we've given him some potato chips. We'll take it slow."

Connor understands this. He threw up all over Angel's bathroom after trying something called 'soda'. Also cheese. He got sick a lot like this in Quar'toth when they ate things. It was hard to know what would cause it.

Apparently, it's not so common here.

Angel doesn't like it when he's sick. Father didn't either.

"Hey Connor, want to come with me for awhile?" Fred closes the computer and picks up his school books. Lessons aren't new to him. Father did something similar at home. But Father didn't know as much as Fred. 

And Fred never makes him do the painful trainings Father did. He thinks Angel will start those soon.

"Ok Connor, let's go work on word problems and money today."

"Money is how you buy new things." Connor says as he closes the Gameboy. He lost again.

"Exactly." Fred is always nice when he remembers things. Unlike Father, he was angry when Connor forgot.

Their lessons circle around similar things. He gets most of the topics. Fred is good at saying things in a way that he understands.

"Angel."

Gunn's voice is stern, causing all them to look up.

There's a man standing at the door. He's got a beard and an intense gaze.

"Fred, take Connor upstairs."

"I don't think that's..."

"Go." Angel interrupts her, his eyes never leaving the man.

"What are you doing here, Wesley?" Connor can hear them even as Fred encourages him up the stairs to Angel's rooms. 

Connor sits down at the table, but Fred keeps pacing around.

"Who is he?"

She stops and looks at him. She's sad- he thinks. 

"He used to work with us."

"But not anymore?"

"No."

"Angel looked mad."

"Wesley did something that really hurt him."

"What did he do?"

Fred opens her mouth then closes it. He knows she's sad now. "He betrayed us."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"I have news about something."

"What?" Angel feels his rage bubbling at the surface. It's demanding blood, and he's barely controlling it.

"It's important that I talk to Cordelia alone."

"Not a chance."

"Hey!" Cordy comes from behind her desk. "You don't answer for me."

"What? You want to go with him?" Gunn is incredulous, and Angel feels the same way. How could she? After what Wesley did to him...

Cordy stops whatever comeback she had ready. She meets eyes with Wesley. They have some sort of communication that Angel wishes he understood.

"I'll be back in an hour." She grabs her jacket, but as she passes- Angel takes her by the arm.

"He doesn't come back here. I don't want him anywhere near my son."

Cordelia nods. "I'll be quick."

"Make sure you are."

Wesley nods at him and follows her out the door.

"You're just gonna let him go with her?"

"He won't hurt Cordelia, and she can handle herself." Angel replies grimly, but his eyes never leave the door.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"What do you want Wesley? Why all the secrecy?"

"Your powers, they have grown right?" 

Cordelia nods. She can control the light she admits now. It'e pretty useful. It burns demons, and she can project it out of her hands. And she's stronger. When she hits things, they feel it now.

It's pretty damn cool if she's being honest.

"The Powers, they're going to come to you with a question."

"What question? Are they asking me to prom? Already been to that disappointing life event, almost got ruined by nerd controlled hell hounds. You were there."

"You'll know it when they ask."

"So? What's it matter?" Cordelia's confusion seeps into her voice. 

"You have to say no to them this time." He's grave, no hint of a joke in his tone. 

"Why?"

"It'll seem like the right thing to do. They'll probably send you visions. But it's not. It's a trick."

"The Powers are tricking me now?" She asks incredulously. 

"No, the Powers are being tricked."

Cordelia is sure her expression displays her disbelief. "And you know this how?"

"Let's just say, I'm not from around here anymore."

"What's that mean?"

"I made a deal to change things for us. To save all of you. It's already changed things, but unless you say no...It always ends the same way."

"How does it end?"

"We all die. Angel loses everything, the mission and himself."

"Connor dies?" Cordelia's hand is at her mouth.

"Connor is no longer Connor."

"And Fred? Gunn? Lorne?"

"None of us make it."

"All because of me?" Her voice is small, broken.

"All because of the manipulation."

"So I just say no?"

"Yes, they won't like it. But they are bound by it. And your powers will make them rethink any repercussions. Don't let them scare you. Just say no."

Cordelia can't help but laugh. "Finally, all those anti-drug speeches will pay off."

Wesley looks at his watch. "I have to go." He pauses, "Wesley here is planning a raid on a demon lair that will cost him his life. If you can...I'll leave that with you." 

This Wesley is starting to fade, and looking at him closely she can see the extra lines around his face. His age.

"Wait!" She calls, "what's our..."

"Horse hair."

Their code word. This might not be exactly her Wesley, but it's close enough.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Angel goes up to his rooms to check on Connor. Seeing Wesley was like a new knife to his back. This life he's built with Connor is so fragile and beginning.

He won't allow anyone to threaten it.

Even someone he cared about as much as Wesley. Someone he cares about still, if he's being honest and allowing himself to think about...how he felt before he lost his son.

Fred and Connor are watching TV. The books lay forgotten on the table.

"We thought a break was a good idea." Fred says with a guilty laugh.

"That's fine. He wanted to talk to Cordelia."

"Why?" Fred asks nervously, gauging his reaction.

"I'm sure we'll find out soon. You thirsty, Connor?" 

He won't get water without prompting either. He doesn't seem to understand the seemingly endless amount available.

Connor looks away from the game show and nods. 

He eats and drinks most things without question. Any distrust he has for them doesn't effect that.

It keeps Angel awake thinking about the hunger Connor must have faced to accept food the way he does.

"Here you go, pal." Connor gulps down the water quickly. He should have asked him sooner.

"Family Feud, huh?" He asks watching Connor watch the TV intently.

"They play for money."

"Huh, imagine that."

Fred giggles softly. Connor soaks up new information. Things he finds surprising or interesting he'll share, like that information will be new to everyone. 

Angel has overheard him telling Gunn about airplanes.

Holtz gave Connor a sporadic and religious heavy view of their world. He had no understanding for why Gunn's skin is a different color, but he can recite entire verses from Genesis. And he knew that the United States was full of "heathens and rebels". He got over that particular prejudice pretty quickly. The United States had cookies so everything else was of little importance, despite the fact the only cookies he'd been able to try were bland and for toddlers. Cordelia hypothesizes that whoever gives Connor his first Oreo will be exalted to a godlike status.

Connor yawns. He kept waking up last night. Or more accurately, during the hours Angel has tried to designate as 'sleep time'. 

"Tired, bud?"

"No."

Angel thinks he must be having nightmares from the way Connor avoids bed and tries to wander when he should be sleeping. Their sleep schedule is weird, but he's been trying to maintain the time in the morning between four and eleven as the time to keep him in bed, considering their semi-creature of the night status.

Connor doesn't like it. He won't say it, but Angel can tell by his furrowed brow and how he tries to make himself scarce when it gets close to the time Angel suggests bed.

It's pretty cute, but also pretty difficult. His kid needs to sleep. 

It's not that the sleep thing really bothers him. He worries about how upset Connor must be to avoid rest at this level. 

But Connor is recovering the loss of the only parent he's ever known.

Angel knows that has to have an effect on someone.

And Connor's doing better. They just need time. And they finally have it. They have all the time in the world. 


	4. Chapter 4

Connor didn’t understand the significance of the bearded man, but Angel acted strangely after he’d been in the hotel. He usually stays near Connor; however, the day following the visit he won’t let him out of his sight.

“He’s just ansty. He’ll calm down.” Cordelia seems fine, and she spent the most time with the man. She is preoccupied though, keep her attention on the talking thing that lets you talk to people who aren’t around. The phone is what Fred called it, but he doesn’t really get the name. 

“Connor!” Angel comes around the corner, catching him on one of the weird, round seats.

“You said you’d come back up to bed after you got your book.”

Angel is obsessed with his sleep. Always worried he’s not getting enough. It must be a creature of the night thing. Father never concerned himself with such small issues.

“I’m not tired.”

“You only slept for three hours.”

Connor just stares, not understanding why the time matters.

“I want you in bed for at least six, remember?”

“Then I’ll sleep more later.”

“It needs to be all at the same time, pal.”

“You didn’t say that before.”

Angel’s eyes narrow slightly. Connor know he’s being difficult. Father never would have allowed him to question him like this. But Angel’s rules are so different from what he’s used to. And Angel never punishes him, not really. They just have long talks, most of which he gets confused by what they are even talking about. 

Connor lets out a barely stifled yawn, and Angel eyes relax and look at him fondly.

“Come on, little man. Let’s leave Aunt Cordy to it. You need to be down at least a few more hours.”

He considers arguing, but what would he gain from it? Angel gives him all he needs, despite the weird names for him- he’s not little. He’ll lay in the bed. It’s not like it will hurt him, and he won’t sleep anyway.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Connor’s eyes fall less than five minutes after he crawls back into his bed. Hopefully he’ll stay there. The bed has been challenging for Connor to get used to, and he’s fallen from it more than once. Angel’s thinking about getting rails for the side to help Connor get used to the boundary. Luckily, his son’s never heard of a crib before, so it would probably be an easy adjustment for him. And it would help- according to Fred. 

Angel grabs a seat in his ‘brooding chair’, or that’s what Cordy and Wes call it. He doesn't like to be far from Connor when he sleeps. But the silence of this time allows for thoughts to rise that he’d rather remained hidden. 

Wesley keeps popping into his head randomly, like a newly re-torn wound. He’d buried him in a box of pain where he’d kept losing Connor...and Buffy.

Now Connor’s home, and Buffy has been gone for over a year now. Apparently Wes made some kind of deal to save them, if what he told Cordelia can be trusted. The Wesley that was here yesterday did smell...off.

Angel doesn’t know what to feel. Cordy’s wrapped up in saving Wes from a demon raid, and any moment Angel tries to picture the man back in his life again, he freaks out and practically tackles Connor.

He never understood grief. Not really. Remorse, guilt, pain, sorrow- he knew them well. But honestly losing someone he loved, in a moment he still loved them dearly- Buffy was the first or many things for him. He didn’t think he could survive that pain. It wasn’t a hundred years removed like his family. It was constant. 

He did though. And when Darla showed up pregnant, he found a part of life he never thought he’d experience- Connor and fatherhood.

When he lost him, he didn’t know how to go on. He’d spent hours wondering if Buffy would be holding his son in the afterlife. A bastardization of the life he never got to have. The love he lost and the child he never got to see grow up- together, while his damnation lasted for eons.

Connor wasn't dead.

The relief is still tangible weeks later.

His son shifts on the bed, making a small noise. He rolls over on his side, holding his bear close to him. Connor hasn’t realized Teddy is for meant for younger children, and Angel will drain the first person to tell him. Any moment of childhood he can give to his son- he wants for him.

And Connor is still very young for his age. He is small and shy. He doesn’t have any idea of the things teenages worry about. Hell, Cordy is only five or six years older than him now, but you’d never know it watching them interact.

“No!” Connor shoots up from the bed, shocking Angel into action. He’s next to the bed in an instant, gently murmuring reassurances. “It’s ok, baby. I’m here. It was only a bad dream. You’re ok. Deep breaths, that’s it, pal.”

“I’m sorry.” It’s amazing how blue his eyes are. He blinks quickly, trying to hide his tears from Angel.

He moves quickly to sit with him on the bed, pulling Connor against him. “You don’t have to be sorry. Everybody has bad dreams. I have them too.”

“What do you dream about?” Angel can’t help the warmth that spreads through him. Connor asks while moving to lean closer against him. His son’s never initiated contact, and he so surprised he almost forgets the question.

“Bad memories mostly, it depends.” 

“Oh, me too.” Connor yawns and rubs his eye.

He treads very carefully. This is an important moment, and he needs to make Connor feel safe with him. He still hides so much, and Angel wants to help, but he needs to know more to do that.

“I was very scared and sad when I lost you. I dream about that a lot recently.”

“I dream about Father.”

Angel knows Connor is still grieving, but he hates that such an evil man can still harm his child. He made Connor lose a parent for vengeance, and the thought makes him want to growl. 

“I can imagine. It was very sad and scary for you to lose him.”

“Yeah.” Connor pauses, biting his lip and burying face against Angel’s side after sneaking a glance at his face. “That’s not what I dream about though.” His voice is soft and muffled but clear to vamp hearing.

“What do you dream about then, baby?” He gently prods, not wanting to scare away any details about Connor’s life.

“Training. Father used to get so mad. Fred never gets mad like him.”

“Fred would never get mad at you. Never. And if she ever got frustrated, you’d only have to say sorry, pal.”

“She’s nice.” Connor yawns again.

“Yeah, she is. That’s why I asked her to help you learn. She’s very patient.”

“Father wasn’t. Or he was. He was patient when he punished me. He wasn’t patient when I didn't learn fast enough or when the monster made me stupid and weak.”

Angel feels a rush of anger in his chest that he barely contain from turning into a snarl. The thought of that man near his child, punishing him, calling his baby a monster…

“There isn’t a monster in you son. No more than there is a monster in any other human. You have a soul, and it is perfect.”

“I’m too strong.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. I’ll explain about the slayer to you tomorrow. Holtz couldn't see things. He was a bitter man.”

“Father loved me.” Connor pulls away to look at him, desperate to validate this one certainty he’d had in his life. 

“Yes Connor, he did. But his life was fractured. He didn’t care for you like I would have wanted you to be cared for. Because I love you too, and all I want is for you to be happy.”

His son’s eyes are confused, but Angel helps him lay back down in his bed. He picks up Teddy from where he’d fallen on the floor, and Connor takes him gratefully. “You hold him tight, I’ll be right back.”

Angel moves his chair next to the bed, stroking Connor’s hair slowly after his son lays back down in his bed. He’ll stay here while his son sleeps, fending off future nightmares.


End file.
